yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
