Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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