You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
