If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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