it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
