I hate all girls vehemently.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
