Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
