He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
