Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
