Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menβs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iβm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
