its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
