That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
