Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
