I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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