break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
