I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize