sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
