Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
