I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
