Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
