Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
