Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize