Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
