my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize