That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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