hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's blow job season.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
