I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
