I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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