Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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