is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
