i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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