Ambien. No doubt about it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
