The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
