Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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