I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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