Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
