Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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