I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
