No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
