Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
