I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
