youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
