C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize