Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
