apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
