shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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