and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize