i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
