Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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