well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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