Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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