Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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