I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize