all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
