Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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