first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
