i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
