ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
