he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
