We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
