I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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