I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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