my vag is so smooth its legendary
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
