i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
