So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
