Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize