I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
operation harelip BJ is a go
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
