apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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